Thursday, January 5, 2012

More Childhood

Elementary school is a weird time. You're a kid and don't know anything. You are intellectually and socially impaired. You are learning how to interact with other humans and make your way in the World. Rolling Hills Elementary (I'm calling you out) introduced me to something against my will that I will never forgive them for: Square Dancing. I'm 75% sure this was invented by the National Socialist party. If you think I will take the time to look that up you are sorely mistaken and probably Communist. Synchronized dancing for morons. To this day, if I ever hear a song by the group "Alabama" I will fall into a fetal position, start sweating and masturbating. The last part isn't true but I have severe mental anguish over the whole experience and I'm sure that is coming down the line. I haven't heard that band's name in years so I assumed they are all dead. I would like to think they died in Square Dancing related accident. This was before line dancing which was the most retarded trend to ever come down the pipe to destroy our Country. I will tell the tale of my Lambada based injuries when I think I can properly express my outrage for the "forbidden dance."


4th grade was a tough year for me. I went deaf for a few months and my hearing came back a few months later. I had a viral infection that prevented me from putting my heals down without searing pain shooting through my legs. This too went away. I also believe this is the year my cat turned my Dad into a ninja. My Dad felt he was being eaten alive by the fleas. These were the Dark Ages before Advantage. My Dad's routine consisted of donning black sweat pants and black hooded sweatshirt. He would put the hood on, pull the string (ninja style) so you would only see his eyes. He taped up the ends so only his feet and hands were exposed. I guess he didn't give a shit if the fleas ate his feet and hands. I guess he doesn't need them. He would place tape on his arm so if he saw a flea, he would fold it up in the tape. He would go through a roll of tape a week. His uniform was black. I suggested as a joke one day that he should get white sweats so he could see the fleas easier. The next day he looked like Storm Shadow from G.I. Joe. My Dad would yell at the cat like this was his master plan of taking my father down. Who knows what my cat's end game was. I pretended not to understand what my father was saying so he would have to expose his face to the air that was thick with fleas that wanted to destroy his very being. Finally flea destroying technology advanced to the point where my Dad could live the remainder of his days out of his makeshift Hazmat suit.

Friday, December 16, 2011

I am getting old and lazy

They need to invent a remote that shoots food into my mouth from a distance. I wish there we a pneumatic tube system that was hooked up to the refrigerator and I would never have to leave my seat. I also got a bone to pick with science. Only two strains of marijuana? They should have a new strain: Marijuana Cold & Flu. I could use this while I'm sick. It will stop my symptoms and I'll be high which is my preferred state of being. I used to love going to the bank and you would put all your money in that tube and it would shoot to the teller. We were basically mud people back then. I was remember the other day when a woman was explaining to me what an ATM was and how to use it. I remember when the ATM didn't even exist. I can legally have sex with women who were born after the year I graduated high school. This makes me sad and old. I found a single hair coming out of my ear that was at least in inch long. It must've been growing for years, how do I miss a hair this long? Why is it coming out of my ear? Is this normal? I feel like I'm going through puberty again...Manopause. I can see myself yelling at people who go on my lawn...this isn't far off.

Sunday, April 10, 2011


I thought the "Tea Party" was all about fiscal responsibility? They have obviously taken over the Republican party and are now trying to legislate morality. These are truly despicable human beings. They constantly invoke how much they respect our troops. Yet, they are willing to suspend their pay because they don't get their way on Planned Parenthood. Spreading lies about how 90% of their business is abortions. It is 3% and the abortions don't use any Federal funding. There is already a law in place for that. It is clear they don't know how to read or at least comprehend pie charts. Who do they work for? The American people, no they don't. They work for their corporate masters. This just isn't Republicans, it is the Democrats as well. They are all slaves to their corporate masters. Polls show the 53-70% (depending on which poll you look at) of Americans want Planned Parenthood to not be touched. They actually PREVENT abortions. What is this attack on women all about? Do they not realize that they make up 50% of the populace? Unfortunately, women don't really come out in large numbers and vote. This is sadly a fact. Again, depending on where you look only about 15-20% of women voted in the last election. There should be some sort of rallying cry and organization to stop these fuckers cold in their tracks.

The Tea Party is based on fear and nothing less. The color of the Country is changing from white to brown and they are freaking the fuck out. This is what they mean when they say they want their Country back. It is racism. All of this shit will come and bite them on the ass soon enough. I was hoping for a Government shutdown. Why? To wake people up. No pay for the military, no social security checks and the Gallup poll shows that most people blame the Tea Party for the hold up. It was political suicide. This is why I knew it wasn't going to happen. It was all posturing and they did exactly what I thought they would do. Waited until the last possible minute to pull it out. I am voting for an Independent next election. Obama has lost my vote. He is going to win anyway. He doesn't need my vote. I'm a registered Independent and that is how I am voting from now on.

Let me talk about Donald Trump for a second. This birth certificate bullshit he is talking. Where was his outrage in 2008-09? It is a publicity stunt. The reason he is gaining in the polls is because look at what he is up against. A field of mentally challenged mouth breathers and the Mitt Romney cybertron 3000. He will never win because he is a Mormon and they day a Mormon becomes President is the day I become a resident of another Country. Trump INHERITED all his money from his father. If his father had no money he would be a Manager at Denny's right now. He is not a self-starter or a self-made man. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. He is the enemy. The rich are now becoming the enemy of the American people. This is a class war and nothing less. They stole are money, we bailed them out, so now they can start all over. Except next time, there will be no more money to bail them out. There will be anarchy.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Source Code Review

Source Code is a really good movie. It could have been great but sadly it is downgraded to a really good movie. It is about a soldier who can inhabit the body of another person for the last 8 minutes of their life. In this case, he is inhabiting a man on a train that blew up and it is up to him to find out who bombed the train to prevent a second attack. The soldier who is played by Jake Gyllenhaal which is the first problem with the film. I like him but he isn't an action hero no matter how many steroids they pump into him. He is good in dramas but Hollywood is trying to make him into an action star. It is true, we are in desperate need for new action stars but this isn't the right way to go. He does a great job with the emotional scenes in the film but the action stuff falls a little short. Van Damme would have killed it in this film (he would've spent time killing the English language as well) which is funny because this movie shares a lot in common with a Van Dammage classic "Universal Soldier." I don't want to go into plot points because it is a movie you should see. Source Code is directed by Duncan Jones who is going to be a great director one day. He directed "Moon" or how I call it The Sam Rockwell Show and that is not a bad thing. He is also David Bowie's son. I really can't wait to see what he does next. The main problem is the ending. If it had ended at the point where it logically should have ended it I would have upgraded it to a really, really good movie. I was actually getting my things together thinking the film was over but then it went on for another 10 minutes. The film is trying to setup a sequel but I don't understand what is wrong with making a film and NOT making a sequel to it. I can't wait for Shawshank 2: The Search for Andy's Gold. This is the problem with Hollywood. I just read the other day after this next Batman film "The Dark Knight Rises." It should be called "The Caped Crusader" but I digress. They are going to reboot it again! WTF?! Side note: WTF is an actual word in the dictionary now all I can say to that is what the fuck? Just stop Hollywood, we all know you are bankrupt of ideas but try. Go look films made around the World. They are usually original, character based, entertaining and usually trying something new. I suggest you look at the films in South Korea, Hong Kong, France, Germany and Sweden. These are really great film markets and churning out great stuff. Go see this, it is worth your time and money.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Stupid media

What happened to all the outrage over the mosque near ground zero? Oh yea, the media moved onto the next story and all of the outraged morons moved onto to. Why weren't they outraged that their was a mosque INSIDE the Pentagon. The mosque was blocks away, get over it. You are free to worship whatever non-existent God in this Country. This is what make this Country great. We are a secular Country and NOT a Christian nation. I am tired of hearing this. Most of our founding fathers were atheists and this is why there is a separation of Church and State built into our Constitution. They did not want a repeat of what happened in England. This is a fact and cannot be disputed. Let the Muslims worship where ever they want. I am tired of being told by the Muslim community that you are a "religion of peace." I've read the Koran. I know it is spelled with a "Q" but it didn't tell me I was wrong. It states very clearly that if you are not a Muslim, you are an infidel. Your fundamentalist are crazier than our fundamentalist. You are more violent. Case in point, killing those U.N. workers because some asshole in Florida burned your book. You are crazy. It is an inanimate object and not worth ending human life over but you don't see it that way because you take your fairy tales more seriously than we take ours here in America. To me, it is all silly. There is no magic in the World. I believe if their was a God. He would want you to celebrate life and enjoy it yet religion is always based on NO. This is how I know it is man made. It is about control and nothing more. I'm sorry this devolved into another rant on religion but I read stories about humans killing other humans over nothing infuriates me. Muslims also claim that only 1% are the fundamentalist. Well, why don't you other 99% do something about it. All we see in the media is the hateful rhetoric and actions of this crazy 1%. It is up to you to clean house. This will never happen and this is why religion will be the downfall of humanity.

Back to the media...

The media is bought and paid for by corporations. I stopped watching it and reading it. I read news stories but don't go to mainstream media sites anymore. They are more opinion than fact at this point. I actually remember a time when people just read the news to you. It took an hour and you were completely informed. The 24-hour news cycle has changed and ruined the media forever. You now have to fill it with content. They follow stories about Afghanistan now about what Brad Pitt is up to. It is infotainment and it is bullshit. Charlie Sheen is a perfect example of this. We are now in 3 Wars, which we can't afford, I am now thinking Obama is just George W in black face. He has double downed on most of his War policies and this is not the change I voted for. I didn't expect everything to change overnight and he inherited a financial crisis but the one thing we can do for sure to improve our cash flow is to get out of these Wars that everyone knows now that were based on lies. Charlie is literally the next story after the brief segments on the War. What the fuck? An actor having a public manic breakdown isn't news. Why is the financial crisis being reported on more? We are getting robbed and we bailed them out so they can do it again. Am I going nuts? Why aren't people in jail? Why doesn't the news ask important questions like this? The people that own them tell them what to report. What happened to Freedom of the Press? Since when does the White House dictate that you can't show body bags or coffins coming over from Iraq? Turn off the media. I canceled cable and it was the best decision I ever made. You can still watch your favorite shows. It is this thing called the Internet. I have more time to spend with friends. I read more. The news is all doom and gloom...if you don't watch it, it will improve your outlook on the world too.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Re: The Last Blog

Sorry it wasn't Happy or a "Fun Time" or a complaint. It had to be said. Alright, I complained a little.